Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
