In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
