i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bring me that man meat
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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