he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
