you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
