I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
