It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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