My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
