I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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