last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize