Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Liz is crying about burritos again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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