It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
