you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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