Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
