When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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