You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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