so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
