this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize