I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
