watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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