So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
