All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
