I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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