When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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