I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
