Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
