that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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