Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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