Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
