That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
