oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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