Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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