it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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