ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
