I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
