dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
