3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
