Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
