My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
