He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
