id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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