The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
