1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
