just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
