i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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