shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
