Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
