**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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