Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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