Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have fence marks all over my body
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
