its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
