he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
