Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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