she looked like the before picture.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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