I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
