The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize