you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
