I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
