i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
