Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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