I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
