New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
