You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We have started to decorate penises.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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