I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
